I get it

Yes, I get it.  Just observe.

Lately...

Lately, well since my auto was totaled in July, I have been spending much of my time walking more than usual.  I never realized how much I had become dependent on using an automobile.  And since there isn't a grocery store in my neighborhood, I am carrying more things with me.  A lot more of my time is spent walking to a bus stop and waiting for a bus.  And it's just not walking to a bus stop, it is getting to the bus stop before the bus arrives.  This means I am walking more rapidly.  It's been great exercise, but it has been eating up my time and energy.  And I am finding that my muscles and joints are aching more.  It's old age.  There I said it.  Old age.  I am beginning to feel a kinship with gizmos that have inadvertently been left on for hours and with garments whose colors have faded from repeated washings.

Old age, is it so bad altogether?  To hear about an utterly good quality vehicle getting traded in for a new and flashier model feels somehow intimidating on a personal level.

That's what the 50s have felt like to me.  Faded, washed out, a little bid drained.  But they're also felt lighten and comfortable.  Starting to relax and loosen in the places that have long been tense.

Riiiiiight.

A friend emailed a list she'd found called "Basic Truths" that I saved and have been adding to.  Since part of this aging business has to do with acquiring and sharing wisdom, it seems appropriate to share a few morsels of knowledge.

This is the list.

• The cheapest and most-expensive models are both usually bad deals.
• Getting to the point quickly is always appreciated.
• Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of your day.
• If every cast member in a TV show is good-looking, it's not worth watching.
• Everyone you meet is better than you at something.
• One cruel remark can wound someone for life.
• Most of what children learn from adults isn't taught on purpose.
• Few things feel worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• Obituaries would be more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• By using a bad picture of yourself on a column, you can generally guarantee you'll be complimented by those who meet you in person.
• Another way to generate compliments is if you're going to lie about you age, give an age that's quite a bit older than you actually are.
• Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.  Especially if you wish for things you can only buy on installment plans.
• Aging happens fastest to those who lose their lust for improving, who give up on their dreams, an who cease being curious.
• Remember -- you're only young once.  But you can always be immature.

Tim's Practical Joke

Besides being a great fixer-upper, Tim is great at pulling practical jokes.  He is in charge of maintenance at a local hospital.  He has been there for about 16 years. Anyhow, one of the doctors at the hospital wanted him to do something for him at his office.  Of course, Tim jumped at his offer to make some extra money.  Tim discovered that he had some special keepsakes.  It seems that the doctor who is from India, happened to be a gigantic fan of Geoge W. Bush.  Timmy couldn't believe the stuff.  Anyhow, he decided one memento had to be placed next to a particular window.  It took a couple of months, but Tim's patience paid off.

Apparently, personnel from the patio where employees smoked started complaining that someone had been watching them especially in the evenings.  They were becomming uneasy.  It was becoming so unnerving they finally called Security at the hospital.  Naturally, Security gathered everyone on duty to hunt up the keys to the doctor's office.  At last, after getting hold of the keys to unlock the doctor's office, they began searching for the suspect.  They couldn't find anyone.  But when they got to the window that overlooked the smokers' patio court, Security had found the man who was peeping at them.  It was a life-size cutout of George W. Bush.

"Gee Tim, ugh!  A life-size cutout of Bush?  That would make me nervous even if I knew it was him.  So what did they do with the cutout?"  I asked.  "Oh, the doctor wanted to save it.  Consequently, I put it somewhere nobody could find it.  I'm saving it for a new prank.  I came into work the next day and everyone was telling me, you wouldn't believe what happened here last night.  Oh, really.  My lips were sealed."

Watch out!  You never know where George W. Bush will show up.

Life is a journey; My Scavenger Hunt

There is harshness in any choice one makes in life.  It can be a life of not enough choices or too many.  Not enough--a dull life; too many--spreading yourself too thin and never giving your full attention.

There are women who choose to work.  Others, who choose to stay at home and raise children.  There are women who choose a life filled with advanced education, and others that develop various skills.  Others choose to volunteer.  Many want to do it all.
But whatever choice one makes; no choice is perfect.  No life is perfect.  There will always be the pros and cons to each lifestyle.  When I talk to my married friends they want to be single.  When I talk to my single friends they want to be married.  Even the life of religious sisters in community is not perfect.  It all depends on your priorities.

A true vocation can be any of these choices.  But who says what a true vocations is?  God can help us decide and make decisions.  A decision that makes one feel at peace is usually a good indication that a right choice was made.

The catch is that sometimes others want something else for us.  They think you are crazy and that you should be doing something besides what you have decided.  Sometimes our lives just do not make sense to those around us.

No matter what lifestyle you live, some people just drift along, going with the flow, and then their life becomes a life by default.

All I can say is that my life has been like a scavenger hunt, a life of seeking God's Will.  I've have sought different avenues depending on the clues to my search, my circumstances and experiences.  Though I am still who I am, I  have also changed and adapted.  Like a traveler seeking new adventures, I try to live as a native whether it is on another continent or the foreign land of the North side of a town.  But most importantly, my life has been a life enriched.

I have been a risk taker.  And sometimes I have failed and become wounded.  But I've always picked myself up and moved on.  All I know is that I get up every morning and do my very best with what I can.  I try to do better.

Happy Birthday Prayer Answered

It was Saturday, July 17th and I went to the mall. I just walked around looking to see what all was going on. There was a teenage boy singing some pop songs. No, it wasn’t Justin Bieber. But it might as well have been with all the screaming teenage girls. I mainly went window shopping. But at one point I decided to sit down. While I was sitting I just watched the other people. Then I saw two women walking around me. I remember them, because one lady had a very large and gaudy necklace. You couldn’t miss it. I went to get up and the other lady who was with her walked up to me and asked if she could pray for me. When she asked, my emotions suddenly were overrun with tears. I said, “Today is my birthday. And I am supposed to find out if I have cancer on my right breast on Monday. Yes, please, I need all the prayers I can get.” Everyone in the mall was walking around us as they both prayed for me. “Oh, yea. My car was just totaled by another driver too. And I am unable to buy a car at this time. The other insurance company gave me little for my auto and of course, it was worth much more to me being a car that was paid off with low mileage.” We talked and from nowhere one of the women gave me a balloon and the other gave me $20. I thanked them. But I felt funny taking money from her. I said, “Please, no. You don’t have to do this.” But she said no, take it and buy something for yourself and do not use it for something else. After we parted, I continued walking through the mall and felt there was nothing I wanted. I did not feel anxious about buying. I was at peace. I just wanted to go home and wait for the news from the surgeon on Monday.

 

When Monday, July 19th came, I received the best gift.  No cancer.  I am still walking and riding the bus for now.  But no cancer.

Bla, bla, bla, blog…

It has been awhile blog. I have been sick. Yes. Mammography, another, and then the call from my doctor, “We need to send you to a surgeon.” Then the colitis. Not eating because it hurts so badly. I have lost weight. A lot of weight. I need to buy clothes but I do not feel like it. Can you imagine a female not wanting to go shopping? It is true. Even when I need too. I am depressed. It is hard writing this down. It is hard telling anyone – even to those very few out there that would read this – it is hard. But I have kept my feelings bottled up. It is everything just getting to work right now. Everything. I have prayed to God and I not sure what He is up too. Yes, I know. I have been passed up before. Middle child syndrome. Oldest, the cherished. Youngest – the baby. The brother, “But he’s the male".

Where have I been for ten years? Where? I have been grieving over lost parents, friends, and co-workers. How can I go on? Can I go on? One person after another? And the other illness I have; it has gotten worse. Yes, worse. And dealing with it alone. And wondering if God is really with me. It is real. It saddens me. And I do not like how it feels. Wandering inside and out. Trying to write. But it does not come out the way I thought. It is gloomy. It is lonely. It is far away from anyone. And so, I thought a blog would help. But I am not sure. I am usually the one with one-liners. And it is becoming hard to talk even in a world of bytes and electronic media. Hoping maybe someone out there in this whole wide world could understand. Because my family does not. Others around me do not. And I am not sure if I am in the right place, the right world to be me. “Okay. So here comes the space cadet. She wants to see the stars up-close.”

My First Best Friend

Recently, I took a trip to where I grew up back in the sixties; it was a slower time as a child. It was less populated; the homes were newer as were the schools. It was a place of innocence. I loved the walk to the grade school where I attended. My younger sister and I would begin our stroll by me holding her hand and walking further up the hill meeting up with the other kids that attended our grade school. But of course, our first stop was at my best friend’s home, George Ann.

George Ann was my very first best friend since grade school. We were in classes together, played after school, and on weekends. We did all things friends would do; Girl Scouts, 4-H Club, running free, and playing as children should. And since our birthdays were separated by few days, we even had birthday parties together.

She and her family had such a wonderful home. I remember her bedroom. It was in front of the house on the top floor. Her room actually began with little stairs about three steps up that led into her room. It was as if it came from an imaginary storybook. She had one little window that looked out to the long street we lived on. Her bed had many stuff animals. Her mother made the effort to decorate her room with the entire little girl qualities a female child would want. She had dolls, tokens, and mementos from trips to Florida. She had more toys than all my siblings put together did. We would play for hours. 

George Ann was very talented too. She played piano and took lessons from the piano teacher that lived behind our home down the street. Phyllis was a good woman. I remember she would let me play with the dolls she had in her collection cabinet. “Be very careful. These are special dolls; dolls from all parts of the world”. This is what I would do while she was giving another child piano lessons. I had to wait my turn since I was getting free lessons. Phyllis knew that my mother did not have the money and that I had a father who would never ever accept the idea of his child taking piano lessons. However, when he was away on a trips from his job, which were often, those were the times I learned piano. I had a natural gift. Even with my siblings, I was the one that someone could see that I had the desire and love for music.

The name Ziggy was an unusual name around our area during the sixties and long before the name Ziggy was popularized by the comic strip “Ziggy”. Ziggy was a Labrador retriever that Phyllis owned. He stayed near his home but would always come over to our house and play with us. Always, while my father was away. We were not allowed to have pets. Therefore, in a way, Ziggy was our dog too. George Ann had a pet bulldog that her grandmother own.  Her grandmother lived with her family, which was not that unusual during this time of history. 

But as I drove back to one of the places we lived and passed George Ann's house, there was a sign reading, “CONDEMNED PROPERTY”.  I would have never dream to see such a sign.

George Ann developed her talent as we grew up. She learned to play the cello and was instrumental in me singing, along with her father, Charles in their home church.  The same church that back in the sixties, if children wanted to go to a kindergarten, they went to a church to receive an early education.  It was a Presbyterian church.  My family and I were not affiliated to any church or religion. It was just something my parents did not encourage. But George Ann’s family was very encouraging. Even my little sister went.

George Ann and I graduated from high school together. After that, she moved to Florida. I often think about George Ann and her family. Both her parents had already passed on.  And now George Ann. Now gone to heaven, too. She left this earth in 1994 at the age of forty years. She had been living in Florida, a place she and her family always took vacations. During her life, she played in a symphony, had lost a new born baby, and soon after lost an older husband.

After all that she was alone fighting cystic fibrosis. But she managed to start a Furniture business. And later began singing in nightclubs. Was it her last swan song? Still later, she taught music to students on an individual basis. It was during this time she was waiting for a lung transplant. She was finally fifth in line at Duke University Hospital. Then the day came when the call came for her to make the final trip for a lung transplant. She made her final journey. But she did not even reach that point of receiving a lung. She died from pneumonia while waiting for surgery. I think of George Ann a lot even though it has been years since her death from cystic fibrosis. She was cremated and had a memorial service at the Presbyterian Church we had went to kindergarten.  Her ashes, of course were thrown into the ocean off the coast of Florida.

You never forget your first best friend.

Sleep and Daylight Savings Time

Daylight savings time changed over last night.  Ugh!  One less hour of sleep in the morning.  I went to bed at about 9:30 p.m. only to have awakened around 3:15 a.m.  I could not sleep.  I kept thinking about others who have passed on in my life through death, others that live far from me; and others who live right next door.  I thought about getting up and mopping the kitchen.  But I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.  Hitting and missing until the 5 a.m. BCC news comes on.  Drifting in and out, I heard news about Thailand's prime minister rejecting protesters' demands for his resignation and the red shirts continuing to rally in Bangkok.  And there was the story regarding David Beckham missing the World Cup in Southern Africa due to an injury.  The other stories went away as I slept.

The second alarm comes on with NPR National News.  I didn't catch any story but I knew it was about politics, Washington, and President Obama.  But then I finally got up and stared out the windows in my apartment at the fog and rain.  Then I went back to bed to sleep.

There is no third alarm.  And I was sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.  Consequently, I had to rush to get ready for work.

When did I set my clocks for Daylight Savings Time?  Last Friday.  It didn't work.

When it comes to sleep, you have to be in a certain pattern to sleep well.  And after a time change, it takes about a couple of weeks to get use to it, otherwise, forget it.

The body needs sleep just as much as food, water, and the air we breathe.

This Year So Far

January-snow and unexpected surgery.  I love snow.  Yes, call me crazy, but I do.  But surgery no, especially when you live alone.  It was difficult, especially in the cold.

The experience gave me a brand new perspective in everything; relationships, pain, being alone, and suffering.  But you know what?  I am stronger physically, mentally, and spirituality.  Don't count me out world.

February-snow and I am loving it; even on the roads, streets, and sidewalks.  But I am use to doing everything by myself.  It's alright, but sometimes it gets old.  But no woman is an island.  I would have loved to have received flowers.

March-snow and the rain begins.  The snow is melting from the mountains and the rivers are very high.  You know when spring is on its way--potholes.