Happy Birthday Prayer Answered

It was Saturday, July 17th and I went to the mall. I just walked around looking to see what all was going on. There was a teenage boy singing some pop songs. No, it wasn’t Justin Bieber. But it might as well have been with all the screaming teenage girls. I mainly went window shopping. But at one point I decided to sit down. While I was sitting I just watched the other people. Then I saw two women walking around me. I remember them, because one lady had a very large and gaudy necklace. You couldn’t miss it. I went to get up and the other lady who was with her walked up to me and asked if she could pray for me. When she asked, my emotions suddenly were overrun with tears. I said, “Today is my birthday. And I am supposed to find out if I have cancer on my right breast on Monday. Yes, please, I need all the prayers I can get.” Everyone in the mall was walking around us as they both prayed for me. “Oh, yea. My car was just totaled by another driver too. And I am unable to buy a car at this time. The other insurance company gave me little for my auto and of course, it was worth much more to me being a car that was paid off with low mileage.” We talked and from nowhere one of the women gave me a balloon and the other gave me $20. I thanked them. But I felt funny taking money from her. I said, “Please, no. You don’t have to do this.” But she said no, take it and buy something for yourself and do not use it for something else. After we parted, I continued walking through the mall and felt there was nothing I wanted. I did not feel anxious about buying. I was at peace. I just wanted to go home and wait for the news from the surgeon on Monday.

 

When Monday, July 19th came, I received the best gift.  No cancer.  I am still walking and riding the bus for now.  But no cancer.

Bla, bla, bla, blog…

It has been awhile blog. I have been sick. Yes. Mammography, another, and then the call from my doctor, “We need to send you to a surgeon.” Then the colitis. Not eating because it hurts so badly. I have lost weight. A lot of weight. I need to buy clothes but I do not feel like it. Can you imagine a female not wanting to go shopping? It is true. Even when I need too. I am depressed. It is hard writing this down. It is hard telling anyone – even to those very few out there that would read this – it is hard. But I have kept my feelings bottled up. It is everything just getting to work right now. Everything. I have prayed to God and I not sure what He is up too. Yes, I know. I have been passed up before. Middle child syndrome. Oldest, the cherished. Youngest – the baby. The brother, “But he’s the male".

Where have I been for ten years? Where? I have been grieving over lost parents, friends, and co-workers. How can I go on? Can I go on? One person after another? And the other illness I have; it has gotten worse. Yes, worse. And dealing with it alone. And wondering if God is really with me. It is real. It saddens me. And I do not like how it feels. Wandering inside and out. Trying to write. But it does not come out the way I thought. It is gloomy. It is lonely. It is far away from anyone. And so, I thought a blog would help. But I am not sure. I am usually the one with one-liners. And it is becoming hard to talk even in a world of bytes and electronic media. Hoping maybe someone out there in this whole wide world could understand. Because my family does not. Others around me do not. And I am not sure if I am in the right place, the right world to be me. “Okay. So here comes the space cadet. She wants to see the stars up-close.”